It may be months,
even years, since the last time you spoke with your therapist. You had a good
experience, learned skills to cope with your struggles, overcame some hurtful
things and gained valuable insights.
I could be that you
stopped therapy knowing that you would need to return at some point or that you
and your therapist agreed that you were doing well enough to gradually scale
back and, eventually, complete therapy altogether.
So, how do you know
if it might be wise to check back in with your therapist, even after some time
has passed since your last appointment?
Here are some
indicators that it might be wise to schedule appointment:
There has been a change in life’s circumstances
Whether it’s a change
in job or relationship status, the birth of a child or the loss of a loved one,
life’s circumstances are always changing and with that change comes stress.
Sometimes we are able
to make appropriate adjustments to deal with the stress, whether positive or
negative, and process the associated emotions, but sometimes these things
become overwhelming.
If you feel
overwhelmed with stress, grief, anxiety or sadness, it’s time to talk to
someone objective who can walk you through this time with gentleness and
compassion.
A recurrence of previous therapeutic themes
Having worked through
issues of trauma, codependence, or other issues, you had been doing well, but
things are starting to come up again.
This is a natural,
cyclical process of healing. Often, in therapy, healing occurs in what I call
an upward spiraling cycle. We deal with an issue, learn new skills and practice
living with new insights and healthier ways of coping until the process cycles
around again and we seem to be dealing with the same issue AGAIN.
As we work to
reprocess the issue, new insights are gained…insights you may not have been
ready for before or new issues with the same theme reappear ie. You processed
your codependency with your kids, but now you need to work through it in your
relationship with your friends.
Each time the issue
reappears, you are able to process and come to resolution more quickly, but the
odds are that it will come up again in another iteration that will necessitate
a call to your counselor – this is quite a normal occurrence. Your counselor
will be happy to work with you toward deeper healing.
You’ve reverted to old, unhealthy coping skills
Whether your ‘fix’
came from shopping or controlling, anger or substance use, if you find yourself
reverting to old coping mechanisms that you can’t seem to stop, it’s time to
call your counselor.
Just like an
alcoholic who reverts to drinking after years of sobriety, you might find
yourself struggling to stop a behavior that you know to be self-destructive. It
is important that you contact a helping professional to prevent these behaviors
from interfering with your work and relationships and to become so overwhelming
that more intensive, long-term treatment becomes necessary.
Life is feeling unbalanced
Often, in therapy, we
talk about health as achieving balance in life. It’s fine when our beliefs,
thoughts and behaviors fluctuate just slightly off-center and we are able to
make the appropriate adjustments to get back on track.
However, when these things
(unhealthy defense mechanisms, behaviors, thoughts, emotions) move far
off-center, with great intensity or for prolonged periods of time without your
being able to re-center and find balance, it might be time to contact your
therapist to uncover the ‘why’ of the dysfunction and determine how to recover.
You
feel overwhelmed
Everyone experiences anger or
sadness at different periods in their lives. This is normal. However, it’s
important to make note if these emotions are becoming intense and are impacting
functioning in work, school or your relationships.
Are you
spending hours ruminating in sadness or anger? Are you catastrophizing your
circumstances, feeling hopeless and powerless? Is your anxiety become so
intense that it impairs your life? Are you lashing out at the people around you
or isolating out of a need to avoid life and its hardships?
If so, it’s
probably time to talk to someone.
You
have unexplained physical symptoms, exhaustion and general malaise
Emotional and relational problems
often manifest in a wide variety of physical ailments. If you are experience
headaches, stomachaches, frequent illness and fatigue your body may be
converting stress into physical symptoms.
Muscle spasms, neck pain, even
difficulty breathing can all be signs that you are carrying stress in your
body. When we feel these things, we know to talk to a physician, but it might
be helpful to talk to a counselor as well.
You
feel disinterested in previously beloved activities
At one
time, you felt joy in your hobbies, friendships and family activities, but
something has changed. If these once life-giving activities now bring seem
mundane and pointless, bringing no joy or happiness, speaking with a counselor
may help uncover the reasons for the change, bring clarity to the situation,
and allow for a shift toward greater fulfillment.
Your
love ones are concerned
Often, the people who love you
will notice changes in your behavior and patterns that might be hidden even
from your own awareness. If your friends and/or family share their concern,
consider their perspectives wisely. If they suggest talking to a counselor or
ask if you’re talking to someone, this is a sign that you might need to check
in and get some support from a professional.
Even more concerning is if your
relationships with your loved ones are strained, communication is failing and
connections are being cut off as your friends struggle to engage with you. This
is a red flag that it is time to call in reinforcements to determine what
changes can be made and healing can be facilitated.
If you are noticing any of these patterns, shifts or situations are
happening, please don’t hesitate to contact your previous therapist for help
regaining balance and health.
If you don’t have a therapist or are seeking a new counselor, please feel
free to contact me at pam@pammontgomery.com to set up
a half-price, 50-minute consultation so we can connect and make a plan for your
healing.
