RETURNING FROM THE MIST

"I let my mind wander...it hasn't come back yet.". 

Well, it's been over three years since I've posted here...three years! Oh, sure, I know why that is. It's not a mystery that I've been distracted. You see, shortly after writing the last post on this blog, I met a guy...

I met this guy who was energetic and loud and had the strangest, unfiltered laugh like I had never heard before. I wasn't really looking for him...not in any real way, but when he showed up on my computer screen this one day, I thought, "there he is!" That's when the mist set in.

Oxytocin: the love hormone, the monogamy hormone, the cuddle hormone, the trust-me drug. When we touch, hold hands for the first time, kiss, oxytocin floods the brain and, well, I call it "love fog." 

I have been in a love fog for well over three years. Through courtship, our wedding (one year to the day from the day we met), and the honeymoon years I've been in a bit of a cloud, focussing almost solely on my marriage and the inevitable stress, both good and bad, of blending families and personalities, traditions and expectations...all while going about as normal a life as possible running my counseling practice (Pamela Montgomery MA EMDR); creating, marketing and selling on my three Etsy shops (Made With a Twist, Pamela Grice Art and Violet Serenity Design); and helping my husband with his business (Grice Shaved Ice)

When this happens, some things - even things that are important to you - fall victim to the fog. This blog, my love for reading, alone-time, and, even sometimes, my businesses came second to my new role in life.

A few days ago, though, as if the clock chirped, "it's time to wake up," the mist rose and I realized that I had started to fall into that trap that beckons almost every woman I know...losing yourself in marriage, family, the demands of the day.

Moving further and further away from the creative, spirited, joy-filled person that I usually am, I found myself anxious, irritated, over-extended and exhausted...and indulging my natural tendency toward codependence.  Now, yes, some of this is a result of some medical issues and pre-menopause (or maybe full fledged menopause and I'm just in denial about that), but some of it is definitely a gradual loss of self.

I found myself just wanting to stay home, not engaging with my girlfriends, resenting my art studio that turned into a business office instead of a truly creative space, and being GRUMPY! I just am not naturally grumpy...my husband is so sweet and compassionate through the grumpies, but I hate seeing myself behave in a way that isn't lifegiving.

So, what to do?! 

Well, just as I would if I were speaking to my clients, I asked, "what did you love to do when you were most YOU?" Ohhh, goodness, I'm so glad that I've done enough healing that those answers are right at the tip of my tongue and not locked away somewhere behind a facade and wall of pain and self-protection. 

What do I love? I love to write. I love to paint. I love to be in nature. I love to read...though the eyes aren't cooperating the way they used to. I love to connect with my tribe of girlfriends. I love my family. I love to entertain.

I need to get back to those things in order to get back to myself. So, this, right here, this blog post is the first step in that process. I also have plans to host a weekly cocktail party with my neighbors so that we can foster a greater sense of community, to organize my studio so that it is more conducive to creative expression and to get myself out for a hike or two in the next week. It's a start.

Welcome to the journey...I hope to share some helpful insights and tools with you for your own healing and enjoyment. If you find that you're struggling with a loss of self, ask yourself the same question...what did you love to do when you were most YOU? If you can't come up with an answer, that might be an indication that it's time to talk to a professional to work through some of the things that have interfered with the ultimate expression of the real you. 

If you'd like to schedule an appointment to make a plan for your own journey of discovering self, send an email to pam@pammontgomery.com. I am currently offering the first, get-to-know-you session for 50% off my regular rates of $90/hour.

In the meantime, blessings to you from beyond the fog!